December 2, 2024

I hope you all had an outstanding Thanksgiving. I certainly did. It remains my absolute favorite holiday.

Highlights of my Thanksgiving included:

• Having the meal ready to serve at exactly 2:00 PM
• Everything turned out really nicely
  • Ryan did a fantastic job cooking the Brussels sprouts on the new Blackstone griddle
  • I did my annual pie trade, giving away a chocolate pecan pie to my friend Quinton in return for her famous Carrot Cake. I know. Not a pie. But it is legendary and delicious. Pretty sure I won that trade.
  • Leftovers were abundant and frequently served
• Beautiful weather, with dolphins and whales making appearances at the beach
• Games of all sorts were played and enjoyed
• Successful travel for my sons and my sister, and in my four trips to LAX, I only had to battle terrible traffic once

I am a free subscriber to Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper email. It is reflective, kind, and positive, all things that I’d like to have more of in my life. In her email on the Sunday before Thanksgiving, she shared some thoughts from Phil Stutz on how to create what he calls, “grateful flow.”

I’ve written about flow before, and I used Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi’s original definition: “It is the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.” Phil Stutz has taken that concept and applied it to a way of thinking he calls “grateful flow.” Here are his instructions.

Close your eyes. For about 30 seconds, say aloud a handful of things you are grateful for in that moment. The smaller the things are, the better. By example, I would say,  ‘I’m grateful I had a good lunch. I’m grateful for my car that’s working. I’m grateful I have a nice piece of furniture to sit on.’ Put your energy into saying each thing you are grateful for. 

Put your will into saying these things. By reciting small things you are grateful for in the moment, you actively anchor yourself in immediate reality. You are also choosing your thoughts instead of being passive about them and letting them take over.

After you’ve said what you’re grateful for, stop talking. The goal now is to feel what you just said and experience an energy rising in you. That is the grateful flow. 

It is a meditation-induced flow. I like it. And you just need 30 seconds. I made several efforts this week to do just that. I did my best to express and reflect on gratitude for the little things. As I look back at the week, here are some of my major gratitude themes.

We live in a medical marvel of a world. We have not yet cured dementia-related illnesses, damnit. But I’m getting my knee replaced today, hopefully allowing me to be pain free and enjoy the upcoming decades with fewer physical limitations. My Dad and I were talking about another eye surgery he had last week. He knows that if he had been born just fifty years earlier, he would have lost his sight years ago. We all have the opportunity to live longer and better in today’s world, and from what I read, AI is only going to make that better.

Family and Friends. Like so many of you, I spent my Thanksgiving with family and friends. Both of my sons were home. I spoke to each of my family members in Arkansas and Washington. I reconnected with friends in the neighborhood and a few who live thousands of miles away. I know I am fortunate, and it’s nice to take time and reflect on my blessings.

Physical activity. Over the past week, I played pickleball twice, golfed twice, and swam three times, and my knee did not like it at all. But I did. I have not taken any of that activity for granted, as I will be unable to do those things for a few months while I recover from the surgery. Physical activity is such a great part of my life, and I hope I can continue it for many years to come. No matter how long, I’m grateful that it is part of my life right now. The friendships that it provides and the goal-setting that it injects into my life definitely make life richer. To all of my golf, pickleball, and swim friends, I will see you soon!

Billy Mitch      My friend Billy Mitch passed away this week. I’m doing my best to find gratitude for having him in my life for the last 48 years, but so far the sadness is holding that gratitude back. But I’m trying. The world has a big hole in it where he used to be. On the surface, he was one of the most hilarious human beings I’ve ever met. I’ve written about him in these posts. He was always the MC at our high school reunions  – which really meant that he did a one hour improv comedy routine that was the highlight of our awesome reunions. By my calculations, at least 35% of his comments were appropriate. Billy Mitch was a legendary and larger than life human being. He was a big man in high school and remained so his whole life. And his persona and his heart were even bigger. He was gifted behind a camera. His most recent artistic job was creating videos honoring fallen FBI heroes. My brother had the privilege of working with Billy Mitch to support families of those heroes by auctioning off a special flag painting. Billy Mitch connected with those families, just like he found ways to connect with all of us. He was something. I know that like me, his classmates and other friends will remain grateful for Billy Mitch until our last day. He made us care about each other, laugh while doing it, and look forward to whenever we would see each other next. Thank you, Billy Mitch. You were one of a kind, my friend. 

The Present  I woke up in the middle of the night this week feeling anxious about my upcoming surgery. I know that’s natural. My life is going to get turned upside down for a little bit, before it gets right side up and better than before. Most of us experience anxiety, but all of the experts are saying it is a sickness gripping our nation like never before. I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.” And I’ve often cited Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now as a wonderful reminder that so much suffering can be avoided if we just keep making the effort to focus our minds on the present. I often open that book and review my highlights and notes. Here are two that I reflected on this week to help me with my grateful flow.

All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.

As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love – even the most simple action.

I hope that Stutz’s grateful flow idea is helpful to you. Thanksgiving week was a highly appropriate time to use that reflection and calming tool. But the truth is, any time, including right now, is a good time. 

Thanks for reading.

Post #122 on www.drmdmatthews.com

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NOTES

My blog post was not published on a Saturday this time. I’m sending it out on Tuesday morning – exactly 72 hours late. I was enjoying my friends and family a little too much to take time away and get out the post on time. As we say in pickleball when we win a point by hitting our opponent, “Sorry . . . Not Sorry.” (Unless of course you hit them above the shoulders, something which deserves a quick and real apology.)

Notes on the Billy Mitch Chandler pics above. The pic on the top left is a recent pic of him – I don’t know where it came from – but it’s great. The picture at the bottom is a few of us at the end of our 40th high school reunion in 2021 – delayed one year by Covid. You may notice Billy is pretty much front and center. And the picture on the top right is a recent picture – taken earlier this year on one of my trips to Little Rock – at a crappy bar with cold beer and bad food. None of that mattered. Only Billy Mitch could get away with that hat. We laughed and reconnected, and that picture makes me very happy. And very sad.

Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper. (11/24)

My 2020 post on flow.

I mentioned the FBI fundraiser that my brother Pat supported, thanks to Billy Mitch’s connection. Here are some photos about that event from my brother’s art website: