July 13, 2024

Click Here for Podcast Version

I’m not a big fan of report cards. They are so . . . final. A progress report is much more helpful – it’s a check in on how it’s going, and guidance on how to be more successful. As a teacher, one of my favorite projects was the five to ten page research paper, where the first draft was due two or three weeks before the final draft was due. I would spend hours commenting on those drafts. There was no grade. There were only recommendations for what needed to be changed, improved, deleted, or added. Then there was the conversation about my recommendations. It was not long, five to ten minutes, but when it worked, the student left with a clear vision of what needed to be improved. In some cases, where the quality was lacking, I recommended a second or even third draft that I could review. The whole project was a process. If students did what I asked, it was hard not to earn an A or a B on the final grade. 

I’m taking a similar attitude as I reflect on finishing my first official year of retirement. I’m not giving myself grades, but I am going to take the time to reflect on how it’s going, what I’m doing well, and what I need to work on. Sounds kind of funny, doesn’t it? Working on retirement? But I don’t think that living your best life in retirement is one bit easy. And, spoiler alert, there are many things I could be doing a lot better. I’ve written this before, but many of my posts are intended to give me the kick in the a** I need to make the most of however many more days I have left on our crazy and beautiful planet. This one certainly fits that mold.

One thing I did right was taking a practice run. Back in August of 2021, I stopped working for about eight months. My main reasons were that I had been in the same job, the same GREAT job, for eleven years, and it felt like time for a change. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that COVID was soul-crushing for most educational leaders. Dealing with all of the regulations, the fears of parents and employees, and the anger of too many people, all mixed in with incredible uncertainty, left many of us exhausted, less healthy than ever (my blood pressure was high for the first time in my life), and beaten down. So I took eight months and did nothing. No commute, no consulting, no nothing. I played golf twice a week, went to museums with retired friends, cooked more, and wrote more. What I learned was that I liked it just fine. And by “just fine,” I mean that it was wonderful.

Our financial advisor told me that we could afford to have me retire, but she also said, rather directly, “BUT IT WOULDN’T HURT YOU AT ALL TO WORK ONE MORE YEAR.” That led to me taking the superintendent job in Placentia – Yorba Linda, and having one of the most enjoyable work experiences of my life. I was inspired by the kindness and high quality efforts of almost everyone I met. I officially retired at the end of that year, with my first day of retirement being July 1, 2023.

So in terms of my preparation for retirement, that practice run was super helpful. If you can manage it, I highly advise it.

And now, one year in, I have zero regrets about retiring. My only focus on this progress report is not on whether I should have retired, but how I am doing in making the most of it. Although I do not have a retirement progress report form (yet!), I will be organizing this by analyzing via a few categories. I may change them over time, but for now, I’m going to look at how I’m doing in the areas of (1) Health and Fitness, (2) Enjoying my Hobbies, (3) Sharpening the Saw (Steven Covey’s term for always working to improve yourself), (4) Relationships, and (5) Purpose. 

Section 1: Health and Fitness:

I’ve written a lot about health and fitness in my blog posts. It’s important to me, and it’s important if I’m going to enjoy a long retirement. Here are some quotes I’ve been writing about and apply to this part of the progress report:

• From Michael Easter’s, The Comfort Crisis:
  • “Most people today rarely step outside their comfort zones. We are living progressively sheltered, sterile, temperature-controlled, overfed, underchallenged, safety-netted lives. And it’s limiting the degree to which we experience our ‘one wild and precious life,’ as poet Mary Oliver put it.”
  • “A radical new body of evidence shows that people are at their best—physically harder, mentally tougher, and spiritually sounder—after experiencing the same discomforts our early ancestors were exposed to every day. Scientists are finding that certain discomforts protect us from physical and psychological problems like obesity, heart disease, cancers, diabetes, depression, and anxiety, and even more fundamental issues like feeling a lack of meaning and purpose.
  • “Are you not important enough to do it for you?” 
• From Chris Crowley and Henry Lodge’s Younger Next Year:
  • “Exercise hard six days a week,”
  • “Aerobic exercise does more to stop actual death, but strength training can make your life worthwhile.”
• And the general message from the Noom diet, the Mediterranean Diet, and a gazillion other reasonable diets:
  • Lots of fruits and vegetables, plenty of lean proteins, some healthy carbs, and as little sugar and processed foods as possible

I would not call myself a good sleeper yet, but I’m better than I was while I was working. I still get up super early at least twice a week to swim in my masters workout that starts at 5:55 AM. And between pickleball, my Peloton, and swimming, I exercise hard four to six days a week. That’s pretty good, but the reality is that it’s not different from what I was doing when I worked 60 hours a week. Almost every retired person I talk with says something like, “My days are so full. I can’t believe I did so much when I was working.”  I have so much more time now, yet it’s still challenging to get things done. I thought I would significantly up my health and fitness game in retirement, but so far, that’s not the case. I am debating whether I can be healthier without a more rigid schedule, or without some kind of commitment to make my life a little less comfortable.

In terms of diet, I wrote about being on the Noom diet two years ago. It was highly effective. Turns out eating fewer calories and eating healthier foods is good for you. Who knew!!!! I stopped recording all of my food intake, just because it’s kind of a crazy, obsessive lifestyle that I did not want to continue. The result? I’ve gained back some of that Noom weight loss, and I don’t love it. Again, I am questioning whether I should reduce my looking at retirement as a comfortable lifestyle, and whether I should be mixing in more discomfort so that I can fully enjoy retirement life for the long term.

Finally, in terms of health and fitness, my left knee is not cooperating. I have a full replacement scheduled for early December, and I’m looking forward to it. Kind of. If I wanted to delay the replacement, I would stop playing golf and pickleball. My friend and awesome-across-the-street-neighbor Jack saw me limping back after playing two hours of pickleball, and said, “Don’t you have a doctorate degree?” Yes, Jack, I do. And yes, a more intelligent person would avoid this bone on bone knee pain by not playing golf or pickleball. But I love both of them, and that’s not the lifestyle I want to lead. I am hoping that getting that surgery will give me twenty years of fully enjoying not just golf and pickleball, but also plain old walking. My knee pain is a discomfort I would like to live without. I have a plan!

So in terms of overall health and fitness, I have some work to do. My teacher feedback after this one year first draft effort might be, “You know what you have to do. Just do it.” Easily said, Teacher Mike. Also – that’s not very helpful.  I would hope that progress report conversation would congratulate me on sleeping better. I’ve been a crappy sleeper for a long time, and every bit of research says that’s detrimental. We would then move into what I could do to push myself and be less comfortable, at least some of the time. Maybe it’s creating a more rigid schedule. Maybe it’s a different mindset. And maybe I’m making too much of the whole thing. As I write that, I can hear my sister Martha saying sweetly, yet sternly, “Mike, just calm the hell down and relax. You’re doing just fine.” Thanks, Martha.

Section 2: Enjoying My Hobbies 

I’ve always loved pursuing hobbies outside of work. In fact, it’s one of the questions I would ask colleagues when they started thinking about retirement. I would ask, “Outside of work, what do you love doing?” Sometimes, I would get a blank stare. Other times, the answer kept going and going. I heard so many answers: grandchildren, gardening, music, sports, reading, cooking, artistic endeavors, and many, many more. For those colleagues who gave me the blank stare, I worried about their retirement. For people who define themselves mostly by their positions in their work, I worried about how they could be happy and healthy in their retirement. I will look at these same questions on a deeper level when I get into the Purpose section, but what is it that makes you interesting to yourself? What are the things you enjoy doing that make you want to get up in the morning and seize the day?

My hobbies are familiar to those who read my posts: writing, cooking, golf, pickleball, music, organizing/tidying up, travel, and swimming. The hobby I’ve added is gardening. I am enjoying taking care of about ten potted plants in our yard that add color and flavor (my basil plants are THRIVING!) to our lives. I make a big deal of the fact that I am a member of Armstrong’s Garden Center, though I admit there was not a stringent vetting process. I simply gave them my name and email address – kind of similar to my application to become a minister in the Universal Life Church. I’ve been telling Jill that my membership should earn me a little more respect around the house. So far, she’s not impressed by the membership, but she does appreciate the efforts to add color and flavor.

After one year of retirement, I continue to enjoy all of these hobbies, old and new. Going to Japan in what would have been the middle of the school year, going to spring training Dodger baseball in Arizona, and taking four trips to visit family in Little Rock were all a step up in my travel game. And my Dad says that my writing continues to improve, and believe me, he would tell me if it weren’t. I don’t know that I’m improving, but I’m enjoying the heck out of all of my hobbies. The only hobby/passion I’m not pursuing as much as I would like is my music. My guitar sits in the corner of our living room, calling out to me.  I need to answer the call more. 

In our progress report conference, I would hope that teacher Mike would ask what the point of these hobbies is. Is it to get better in all of them? Is it to dominate in golf and pickleball and win awards as a writer and chef? Or is it just to spend time enjoyably with friends, and to experience flow doing the things I love? Even writing this down gives me the slap in the face I need to think correctly. I can hear my sister’s voice again here. And maybe the conversation would close with teacher Mike asking me what in the world is stopping you from picking up that guitar a few times a week? 

Paraphrasing Diondre Cole from Saturday Night Live, we are out of time! A full blog post, and only two of the five progress report criteria have been covered! You know what that means. This is now Part One of a Two-Part series. I will hit (3) Sharpening the Saw, (4) Relationships, and (5) Purpose in my next post. For those of you enjoying this topic, what great news! For those of you bored beyond belief, first of all, thanks for getting this far, and I secondly, apologize in advance for the next post!

Looking forward to your comments, and thanks for reading.

If you’re not on the mailing list, you’re missing out. Not only will I let you know when my blog posts come out, but you will get my once-a-month-subscribers-only message.  I share what I’m cooking, what I’m watching, what I’m reading, and other news that had a profound impact on me. Thanks to all who let me know you appreciated it. If you’re interested, please click here.

And something new, I am publishing this post in podcast form a day or two after I post it here. The podcasts are very basic at this point. I read the post, embellishing it for better or for worse with a few thoughts that come to my weird mind as I’m reading. We’ll see how it works out. If you would like to subscribe to that podcast, please click here.

Post #112 on www.drmdmatthews.com

NOTES

Great quotes on being ready to retire from Fritz Gilbert’s Keys to a Successful Retirement: Staying Happy, Active, and Productive in your Retired Years. (Buy it on Amazon here)

• “If you are what you do, who are you when you don’t?”
  • Richard J. Leider and Alan M. Webber (from Life Reimagined: Discovering Your New Life Possibilities)
• If you look up the definition of “retire,” you’ll find “to withdraw from action or danger.” I prefer to think of it as “re-tire,” an act in which we put new tires on our vehicles for the changing road conditions ahead.

When Jill was reading the post, and she was about halfway done, she was worried that she had already been reading for a long time, and she was only on criteria one of five. She said she was beginning to despair that it would never end. And while she was relieved when she finally learned this was part one of two, she said it might have been helpful to know that earlier. What’s the fun in that, Jill? The way I did it, you were at the edge of despair, just like the hero in a good rom-com, then all of the sudden, a glimmer of hope changed everything!

I like the teacher/progress report idea, and I have experience with it, so that analogy makes some sense to me. But I also like the idea of having a life caddie walking around with us and helping us make our decisions – both big and small. Thinking about what to eat? Ask your caddie. Need a push to add discomfort to your workout? Your caddie is there for you. Seinfeld’s Cosmo Kramer had a life caddie – and it helped him tremendously – at least for a while. Short clip here.

And if you have not had the pleasure of watching “What Up With That” on Saturday Night Live, and if you’re sense of humor is as warped as mine is, I highly recommend it. Longtime SNL star Kenan Thompson plays talk show host Diondre Cole. In each and every episode, Diondre brings in three stars, but somehow, time slips away before he can get to the in depth interviews he hopes for. You can see some of the early episodes here, and if you want, there’s more. You may think it gets less funny as the same joke gets played out in every episode, or . . . like me, you may think it gets more and more hilarious.

Here’s the link to my review of The Comfort Crisis.

And here’s the link to my review of Younger Next Year.