June 1, 2026

Five years ago, I wrote a post about taking our youngest son to college. Dropping him off was a bigger deal than I thought it would be. It hit us like a ton of bricks as we watched every step of Dawson’s journey from the car to his dorm. We both had a good cry, then we went out to eat. Over dinner, in one of my infamous moments, I tried to console Jill by saying, “Well . . . you’ve been a great Mom.” Maybe not my best choice of words. Maybe my words implied that her journey as a parent was completely over. Maybe my words promised a future where she would never again get to be a loving parent. Maybe I should have kept my big mouth shut during a very emotional time for both of us. 

Once again, our relationship survived my idiocy, and we moved on.

Turns out that empty nesting has been wonderful. Turns out that we get to still be parents to both Dawson and Ryan. Different roles for sure, but both of those relationships continue to grow and be beyond wonderful. Dawson has thrived in college and in graduate school, secured a job in the secure communications/cybersecurity world in Denver, and graduated in mid-May. He spent a week with us after graduation then headed back to Denver to start the next phase of his life. He’s super excited, and ready to go. As excited as Dawson is about beginning his career, I know he’s about to encounter something that every new graduate eventually discovers: adulthood comes with a lot of wonderful freedom and a surprising number of tedious responsibilities.

We are very happy for him, and there are a few perks for us in all of this. We’ve been in the pay-for-kids business for . . . a long time. I don’t want to calculate it all.  Miles, my ChatGPT associate, estimates that raising a child through college costs somewhere between $750,000 and $1,000,000. And before anyone else says it, it’s worth every penny. Well, there was a year when Ryan was in high school where, I’m not sure it was worth a single penny. But that was 18 years ago. I’ve forgotten all about that. But for the most part, definitely worth every single penny.  But I do look forward to July, when, for the first time in a long time, I won’t be writing checks or sending money to universities, apartment buildings, and of course, to my kids.

This is the “launching” phase of parenting. Unlike the empty nesting transition, I have zero ambivalence. This is a great thing for Dawson. He’s excited about making it on his own, and about being independent. I remember that feeling. When I signed that contract promising me $18,900 a year as a teacher in San Lorenzo, CA, I felt like I could do anything! I’m so happy for him and proud of him, and eager to watch his progress. And did I mention the not sending money part? That’s nice too. But let’s be clear – my feelings are mostly happiness for him. But the money part does creep in. I’ll stop now.

Dawson has so many things to look forward to. But I know, from talking to Ryan, that he will face many boring tasks that need to get done, and they are no fun at all. Ryan says, “My friends and I just hate the ‘adulting’ stuff we have to do from time to time.”

Here are some of the adulting tasks that I’ve been told are no fun at all by young adults: Getting rid of an old mattress or e-waste; Medical and dental visits; Dealing with utility companies; Getting a Real ID; Dry cleaning; Taxes; Being tired; And eventually, being a little older so that other people are looking to you to make big decisions and give advice.

Ryan is not alone. It’s a thing in his generation. There are so many blogs in the adulting category. These blogs could have titles like:

• I Need an Adultier Adult
• The Dishes in the Sink Can’t Hurt You. Probably.
• Getting a Real ID Seems Harder than Earning a College Degree
• The Check Engine Light and Other Anxiety Disorders
• The One Where We Realize Adulting is a Scam (A Title that Friends might have used – and they included a great quote from Friends’ Monica Geller, “Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You’re going to love it.”

I found one blog post title that best represents how I got through most of my adulting and other life challenges, “Fake It Till You Make It is Probably the Best Advice We Ever Mocked.” I have always had an extremely positive disposition. For some, it is annoyingly positive. I think the key to me maintaining that was just accepting that the new challenges were part of my life and blindly doing my best to get them done. Less questioning. More doing. Find a way to make $18,900 work for an annual budget for two people? Sure. Change diapers at 2:00 in the morning? Got it. Work from 7:00 AM to 10:00 PM? That’s what the job required. Gain weight from not being able to work out and eating everything my kids didn’t eat? An occupational hazard of parenting and hard work. 

Woody Allen is the one credited with saying, “80% of success is showing up.” No matter what you are facing, get in there and do your best. It usually feels better once you’re doing the work. And know that once one hard task is out of the way, something else is coming. As The West Wing’s President Bartlett said after getting through crisis after crisis, “What’s next?” 

As our youngest son launches, I look forward to seeing how he manages his career, adulting tasks, love, friendships, fun and whatever is next. I know that his brother will be extremely helpful, as he is 12 years ahead in the adulthood journey. I have extraordinary confidence in both young men, and I look forward to continuing the parenting journey.

Five years ago, dropping Dawson off at college felt like the end of something important for Jill and me.

It turns out it was just the beginning of something different.

Post #146 on www.drmdmatthews.com

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NOTES

My way of dealing with life worked for me. But acceptance of just about everything is not the only way to go. Not at all. I never considered other ways, but that’s on me. One of the cool things that Millennials and GenXers are doing is questioning everything about work. It’s the exact opposite of how I lived my life, and I have a lot of respect for the courage it takes to do something differently. 

• My sister-in-law Meghan is a major proponent of “fractional working.” It’s the idea of not accepting that a 40 (or 70) hour workweek is the norm. Some of that is simply reducing your budget to the point where you can afford to do that. One of life’s maxims is that the more money you make, the more you spend. Patrick Ewing, the famous basketball star from Georgetown and the NY Knicks, when asked about exorbitant NBA salaries, said, “We might make a lot of money, but we also spend a lot of money.”  Meghan is pushing the idea that there is another way. It’s good stuff.

• Another Millennial strategy is the FIRE strategy: Financial Independence, Retire Early. It’s the opposite of Patrick Ewing – make more money, save more money, keep life and spending simple, and get out of the working world as soon as possible. I love the outside of the box thinking, and I know it is working for many. I never figured out a way to retire early (though 61 is not too bad), but reading Robert Kiyosaki’s Rich Dad, Poor Dad did teach me about the meaning of investing and I have tried to help both of my sons with his ideas.

Ryan, who proofreads and gives me excellent feedback on many of these draft posts, did take exception to my comment about raising him not being worth a single penny. And yes, looking back, he was just a normal teenager doing normal teenager things. But here is the mistake he made. He was pretty perfect almost all of the time, and a joy to have at home. So even small transgressions appeared a little larger. And in the end, having a great sense of humor, he realized that the comedy of the line in this post outweighed the necessity of historical accuracy. We both had a good laugh, and now it’s online forever.

Here are some previous posts referred to, consciously or unconsciously, in this one. Some of them reflect concerns that I’ve had to may have been unwarranted. Sometimes, I think that the best philosophy of life is Mad Magazine’s Alfred E. Newman, “What, Me Worry?” But I do worry. And if you’re still reading these notes, then you know the crazy ways my mind works, not all of it for the best. Also, thanks to those of you who read the notes – If I could give you extra credit in life or the afterlife, I would.

• Post on Taking My Youngest Son to College – From five years ago
• And although it’s not referred to, I do hit some of the themes in one of the first posts I ever wrote back in 2015. One More Hill
• The Career Dash – Where I talk about career journeys and my worries for Dawson and his search for his first job.

Dawson, Jill, and I before graduation. The flags represent the nationalities of all the graduates. A fantastic ceremony!

Dawson, and his wonderful girlfriend Kylie. Kylie graduates soon and will enter the teaching world in Denver. Hooray for another outstanding educator in our family! We can’t wait to celebrate with her!

Jill and I have loved visiting Golden, Colorado, where Colorado School of Mines is located. It’s a wonderful small town, defined by Clear Creek (where Golden’s Coors Beer gets all of the water for the largest brewery site in the world), the “M” for Mines on the Flatiron Mountains behind the campus, and a lot of wonderful people.